You Know Shannon's Pregnant When. . .

her story's all start with one of the following, "on Regis and Kelly" "on Rachel Ray" or "Today on the View"

her children hear the music to Rachel Ray and say, "are they playing the game with the Mystery Taster today?"

her children don't bat an eyelash when midsentence she jumps up and runs to the trashcan/toilet to puke

were her children's stomach's examined the findings would look something like this: corndog, fishstick, french fry, pizza, apple, pizza, french fry, corndog, fishstick, pear

she's not embarrassed when people stop by and the door can barely be opened, because of all the toys, by the children still in their pj's at 1pm

she has to look at a calendar to see when she last took a shower

if she get's dressed the kids ask "where are you going"

and lastly, she hasn't blogged in forever because she uses blogging time to sleep!

Bring on the boys!

My girls aren't allowed to play with other girls. From now on they will only play with boys. They will be "those" girls that all the other girls hate because they think they are flirting with the boys when really they just know they make better friends. I know you're thinking, but all the other girls will hate them, doesn't that bother you? Nope, girls are mean and will hate other girls anyway so instead of spending time in their rooms crying that their best friends suddenly are snubbing them they can go play with the boys or their sister.
I know I sound a little jaded but that's just because I am! You see I remember everything being rosy until middle school. I have always thought it was something about turning 11 that made girls mean. Well it turns out that 5 is the new 11. Who knew?!?! A recent outing with other girls (just slightly older than Christin) gave me inspiration for a new movie: Mean Girls II: the elementary years. It sounds compelling doesn't it? Here's the general plot: An innocent but strong willed home-schooler meets some other girls. She asks to play with them but is told that it is Wednesday and they wear pigtails on Wednesday and since her mother cut off all her hair she can't play. Not one to be discouraged easily she notes that they are playing with stuffed animals. At the next chance encounter the girl brings not only a stuffed animal for herself but one for each of the girls. How can this plan fail you ask yourself? Thinking she will get her chance to play she skips into the room proudly displaying her animals for all to see. Unfortunately for her she does not have the right kind of animals, it seems that only people with Webkinz can play. Once again the child is shunned. . . I haven't decided which ending is better yet. Ending I wherein the girls are reprimanded and see the error of their ways and they all become life-long friends or Ending II in which the girl gets her revenge by having an acne free puberty will the other girls' faces look like peperoni pizza. . .
Ok, I may have exaggerated a little bit, we'll call it artistic license, but the story is loosely based on a true story that sort of happened one time. And that is what caused me to decide that my girls will only play with boys. Boys fight (which my girls are tough enough to handle) and move on with life remaining friends forever. That's what I want for my girls.

Now before my girlfriends start thinking I hate them I LOVE YOU ALL AND YOU ARE TERRIFIC!!!!!!! but I didn't meet you until later in life;) Well, I guess I did have some pretty wonderful girlfriends in high school and even middle school that I wouldn't trade the memories of for anything and and then there are my Haluwasa friends that I still love. I mean when I think about the sleepovers, jokes, pranks, shopping trips, wawa runs, late night talks. . . Crap, I need to let my girls make some girlfriends! Let's hope this turns out to be a comedy and not a drama!

There's starving children in china!!!!

You know the scene: A child is grumbling and complaining about the hot meal that has been put before them with little or no work on their part. A parent in frustration says what they never thought they would say, "You know, there are starving children in China who would love to eat" The child thinks, but does not dare to say, "you could send it to them but I don't think they'd eat it either because it's gross!" It all comes down to thanklessness.
Lately that has become a problem in our house. Christin doesn't want to brush her teeth, or clean up her toys, or brush her hair. Now the teeth I'm pretty sure it's illegal to pull them out but if you hear otherwise please let me know. The toys, well they're next but we wanted to do something big and drastic to show Christin we meant business. Some sort of announcement that said, "Let it be known from this point forward thanklessness will no longer be tolerated in the DeVol home." So we cut off all her hair. Crazy I know, the first lady that I told the story to at hair cuttery just looked at me with her own, ironically, unkept hair. However, we were blessed to have a hair dresser who also had a four year old and chimed right in with, "you know, if I cut it here (gesturing to a spot much higher on her neck then I had intended) we can donate it to Locks of Love." I thought for a second and then realized that was it. That was saying, "If you don't take care of your things (read hair, toys, teeth?) we will give it to someone who will appreciate it."
Now for those you that think I am a terrible, horrible, no good mother who's child will hate her for the rest of her life, you might be right, but trust me as much as Christin loved her long hair, cutting it did not destroy her self confidence. I still caught her looking in the mirror this morning and stating matter-o- factly, "I look beautiful today." So if all it takes to have a child that is both confidant thankful for the things she has is a few drastic moves lets pack up the toys and food and send them to China and while were at it we can pull a few teeth!

Hahaha, it's a sticker

After seeing an extreme close up of the picture of us at the Phillies game I concluded that the mysterious dot is a lavender smiley face sticker. Who knows how long that was there!

Mommy Body

My recent trip to Georgia got my thinking about how my body has changed since I had children. I don't mean my "love scars" aka stretch marks, or the way my bra size is constantly changing. I mean the fact that my body knows it's a mom and it knows when it's on vacation. On a typical day at home with the kids I might wait all day to go to the bathroom. I know those of you without kids are going, "but if you have to go how do you hold it all day?" to that I say, priorities my friend. I may have the 30 seconds to go but just think of all the other things I could be doing with that 30 seconds! In fact there are probably mommies reading this right now having to go! This is common, everyday for me, I hardly even think about. However when we (we being my body and I) were in Georgia I must have used the bathroom once an hour. Now your first thought might be, "honey you need to see your OBGYN that sounds like a UTI" Nope it's a SOETGWIW: So Excited To GO Whenever I Want. My bladder seemed to know that we could now use the bathroom whenever and wherever we wanted. It was like being a kid again, I saw every bathroom in every place we went. Oh the fun, the excitement, the many kinds of toilets, sinks and paper towel dispensers! Upon returning home last Tuesday I think I used the bathroom at the airport and haven't gone since;)
Another thing my body seemed to realize is that I did not need a soothing snack at 1:00pm. Most days as I begin putting children down for naps my body responds with a need for something sweet, it's favorite is raisinets but it will be satisfied by a scoop of ice cream, a cookie hidden from the sight of little eyes and forgotten about until then, a handful of chocolate chips, some icing, a spoonful of sugar, whatever: as long as it's sweet!!!! In Georgia I did not feel this need right after lunch. Now don't get me wrong we ate some great desserts but I did not need them, I merely enjoyed them.
I also slept without waking up every couple hours. I am convinced that once you become a parent it is impossible to sleep deeply except when you are separated from your kids. Even if your children don't wake you up at all during the night you are still waking up for some reason. It's as if your body refuses to allow you to rest just in case they might need you. Or maybe it's a defense mechanism so that the door handle turning wakes you up instead of a child's face 4 inches from your own waking you up. I believe that only happened to me once but it was so very frightening, maybe that's why I can't sleep deep, the fear of a tiny face looking at me and whispering "My bed is wet". Oh the horror.
So I guess I appreciate my bizarre body. It's amazing knowledge of how to be a mom starting with the first vomit of pregnancy all the way until. . . . . it's own end? I can already picture it "Welcome to Heaven Shannon, we've been waiting for you" "Awesome, thanks, can you please show me where the bathroom is?"