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Monday, October 29, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
House of the Firstborns
No this is not the title of a new horror movie, but some days it seems like that. We have, basically, four firstborns in our house. George and I are both firstborns (a rare combination in marriage), Christin is, obviously, a firstborn and we babysit Aidan who is also a firstborn.
The problem with firstborns is that we are always right. It's not that we a trying to be obnoxious or know it alls, we honestly believe that our opinions are right. When George and I agree on something good luck changing our minds. The problem comes when any of us have differing opinions (of course I am always right but occassionaly George, Christin, or Aidan will be wrong about something and not realize it.) These disagreements can turn into complete standoffs. There are days when Christin is so convinced she is right and will not back down. I know that she thinks she is right (not just being stubborn) because of two things; first: she will not give in, and second: she uses adult language. When she was very little she would say "Listen to me!" Now we get anything from "I need to explain something" to "I'm going to give you another chance." She is convinced that she is just as intelligent, wise, and grown-up as we are and that her opinions are completely valid.
Before she was born I had hopes that because George and I are both such strong leaders (middle and lastborn children incorrectly use the term "bossy") Christin would learn to be under authority rather quickly and easily. It's not like we were going to back off very often. It has been my observation, however, that when two firstborns have a child that child is a super-firstborn. For example during the summer Joel got her seconds on dinner. We said, "say Thank-you to Uncle Joel" TWO HOURS LATER after numerous spankings, and plently of angry tears she called him (he had left) and said thank you. I could not believe a child could be that stubborn. After the fact she said, "I wanted to call him on the phone anyway"
I was reminded of this incident just last week when I told Aidan to say please. He dug his heels in and refused. I couldn't believe the battle of the wills!
A part of me actually feels compassion for these kids. I know what it's like to be so convinced that you are right and have someone in authority tell you you are wrong. You can't even comprehend how they don't see it your way. Unfortunatly for Christin and Aidan in the heat of the moment it's hard for me to see how they don't understand that I am right!
I fear that we will have many battles ahead of us. My hope is that Christin will learn to be a strong, but compassionate leader, that we will be able to instill self confidence but also humbleness and that we will not seek to break her spirit but can teach her to use it. I also fear that Lindsey will always think she is wrong, or quietly hold a grudge against us all. My hope for her is that she will always be able to smile and light up a room. That she will have a quiet self-confidence, that she will speak up when she needs to, that she will be a compassionate, empathetic listener but will not let people walk all over her.
It is my prayer, that my two girls will learn from each others strengths how to be godly women and that I will also be open to learning from them:)
The problem with firstborns is that we are always right. It's not that we a trying to be obnoxious or know it alls, we honestly believe that our opinions are right. When George and I agree on something good luck changing our minds. The problem comes when any of us have differing opinions (of course I am always right but occassionaly George, Christin, or Aidan will be wrong about something and not realize it.) These disagreements can turn into complete standoffs. There are days when Christin is so convinced she is right and will not back down. I know that she thinks she is right (not just being stubborn) because of two things; first: she will not give in, and second: she uses adult language. When she was very little she would say "Listen to me!" Now we get anything from "I need to explain something" to "I'm going to give you another chance." She is convinced that she is just as intelligent, wise, and grown-up as we are and that her opinions are completely valid.
Before she was born I had hopes that because George and I are both such strong leaders (middle and lastborn children incorrectly use the term "bossy") Christin would learn to be under authority rather quickly and easily. It's not like we were going to back off very often. It has been my observation, however, that when two firstborns have a child that child is a super-firstborn. For example during the summer Joel got her seconds on dinner. We said, "say Thank-you to Uncle Joel" TWO HOURS LATER after numerous spankings, and plently of angry tears she called him (he had left) and said thank you. I could not believe a child could be that stubborn. After the fact she said, "I wanted to call him on the phone anyway"
I was reminded of this incident just last week when I told Aidan to say please. He dug his heels in and refused. I couldn't believe the battle of the wills!
A part of me actually feels compassion for these kids. I know what it's like to be so convinced that you are right and have someone in authority tell you you are wrong. You can't even comprehend how they don't see it your way. Unfortunatly for Christin and Aidan in the heat of the moment it's hard for me to see how they don't understand that I am right!
I fear that we will have many battles ahead of us. My hope is that Christin will learn to be a strong, but compassionate leader, that we will be able to instill self confidence but also humbleness and that we will not seek to break her spirit but can teach her to use it. I also fear that Lindsey will always think she is wrong, or quietly hold a grudge against us all. My hope for her is that she will always be able to smile and light up a room. That she will have a quiet self-confidence, that she will speak up when she needs to, that she will be a compassionate, empathetic listener but will not let people walk all over her.
It is my prayer, that my two girls will learn from each others strengths how to be godly women and that I will also be open to learning from them:)
Thursday, October 4, 2007
"Moments of brilliance amidst sheer putridness"
That's how my assistant soccer coach once described a game we were playing and that's about how I feel my ideas have been lately. For those of you who knew about the mouse, the saga continued. After seeing our very bold little mouse George put out some poison. Now up until this point we had been seeing bird seeds in random places but not droppings or damage. Apparantly the mouse very much enjoyed the poison and thus invited every mouse he knew to come party at our house. One morning I came down and found they had chewed through our peanut container. That day I meet George at the door for lunch and said "bring home a cat." He laughed. That evening when he got home I said "where's the cat?". He laughed. Several days later we had caught two mice in snap traps. Sunday night George came home and said "Guess what I brought home" I laughed. That's right, we now have a cat, sort of. His owner can't currently take care of him so left him at the church and we are watching him while the man tries to get things together. It might be a permanent situation. I've always heard "Be careful what you wish for". I think I understand now. After a week with the cat our basement smells funny sometimes (from the litter box) and just the other day I was on the computer when what should run by, you guessed it, a mouse. The cat just watched it. My idea to get a cat was a total flop, and now we have a cat!
At this point you are probably wondering where the moment of brilliance comes in. As far as the cat goes there is no moment of brilliance, however, I had a parenting flash of brilliance this week. I was trying to get something done (I don't even remember what it was now and I'm sure whatever it was needs to be done again), the chidren, Christin and Aidan, where being pests. They were alternating fighting and bugging me to play with them (which I had already spent much time doing). So in what can only be described as a stroke of genius I said "I have a game!" in my most annoying, high pitched, isn't this going to be fun mommy voice. I continued, "You each get some paper towels. I'll spray the windows and then you wipe them down, get off as many fingerprints as you can!" They fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I did whatever it was I was trying to do and they scrubbed my windows for about 20 minutes. Brilliance! Now I realize that they didn't do near the job I would have done but lets be honest, I was never going to get to it!
At this point you are probably wondering where the moment of brilliance comes in. As far as the cat goes there is no moment of brilliance, however, I had a parenting flash of brilliance this week. I was trying to get something done (I don't even remember what it was now and I'm sure whatever it was needs to be done again), the chidren, Christin and Aidan, where being pests. They were alternating fighting and bugging me to play with them (which I had already spent much time doing). So in what can only be described as a stroke of genius I said "I have a game!" in my most annoying, high pitched, isn't this going to be fun mommy voice. I continued, "You each get some paper towels. I'll spray the windows and then you wipe them down, get off as many fingerprints as you can!" They fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I did whatever it was I was trying to do and they scrubbed my windows for about 20 minutes. Brilliance! Now I realize that they didn't do near the job I would have done but lets be honest, I was never going to get to it!
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