Imitation: the highest form of flattery!

My children, like all children, like to pretend that they are other people. Christin is a fan of pretending to be religious characters. This sounds like a great thing but rarely does it end well. Recently the girls were taking a bath when I noticed I hadn't yelled, "Stop splashing," "Don't touch anyone!", or "Why is she crying?" for awhile. As always, when it is quiet I worry that there is trouble. A quick peek in the bathroom assured me no one was hurt yet, and Christin is retaining the Bible stories we tell her. Lindsey was sitting in the tub crosslegged facing Christin, eyes closed. Christin had handfuls of bubbles which she was spreading on Lindsey's closed eyes. When Lindsey started to protest (due largely in part to the pain, I'm sure) I heard Christin say, "This is the mud! I have to put it on your eyes so you won't be blind anymore!" I don't believe the Bible story says that Jesus first blinded the man with mud but whatever:)
Now for Lindsey. Lindsey is a shape shifter. She becomes whomever she is around. I often feel like I live in a cave. Everything Christin says is echoed by Lindsey in words, tone, and gesture. It doesn't have to make sense, she just repeats. She has two things she has picked up from me saying "darn it!" and putting on makeup. Fortunatly she cannot get into my makeup, unfortunatly she can get into mom's. On a recent trip over there she covered herself in make up (lipstick and foundation) and pulled apart some stuff in mom's room that mom was just telling me how proud she was of herself for putting together (oops). When Lindsey came strolling into the piano room thoroughly proud of herself Mom and I both scolded her as we went to survey the damage. Lindsey just carefully smacked her lips together to make sure her lipstick was even, it wasn't.
We are hoping that Nana will let Lindsey come over again sometime in the next couple of years.

What Not To Say

First let me say that this is not an angry blog. Sometimes it amuses me the things people say to me. I know that no one is being heartless, however, in the effort to say the "right thing" people often say the wrong thing. Sometimes it makes me angry but usually I just nod my head and later laugh about it. So here it goes, a list of things not to say to someone grieving:

1. "I know how you feel" You don't, no one does, grief is such an individual process that unless I have told you how I feel there is no way you can know. No two people feel the same way. You can only know if I tell you, and even then my feelings can change in an instant. Which brings me to

2. "How are you doing?" Talk about a loaded question. I feel this is the question people use to test out their rusty Psych 101 skills. Good=Denial Bad=Depression or Anger. I've decided "We're OK" is the only appropriate answer, it keeps people guessing (unless of course the took more than one psych class:)

3. "Are things back to normal?" I'm not sure I even understand this question. There is no way to go "back" and I'm not even sure what "normal" is. I believe what people are trying to ask is if we are moving on but for some reason people are afraid to ask us that.

4. "Are you going to try again?" Ok, many of you whom I LOVE have asked me this but can we stop and think about this. I feel the connotation with this question is you failed, don't give up. We didn't fall of a horse people. There is no getting back on. Jack's death is not a failure, we had a successful pregnancy that resulted in a baby. I believe what you mean is, "Do you think you will have any more children?" (we don't have an anwer to that question yet)

So if you ever come across a person in grief here is my suggestion:
Give them hug. Tell them you love them and are praying for them. Ask them how they feel they are coping. And if you are really close to them ask them if they have any plans for the future. Lastly, gage their mood and make a suggestion to do something to either allow them to cry or give them the freedom to laugh (or both:)

I hope this post is informative and at least a little amusing. As painful as Jack's death have been there have certainly been times of laughter (admittedly sometimes at the expense of others ie: laughing at peoples' "I feel sorry for you face":)

As a side note: Jack continues to make an impression on our girls. Lindsey still prays for him and Christin will still get sad and miss him, she is however, not above getting fake sad at bedtime in order to stay up later and talk and we are seeing fewer real tears everyday!

We still appreciate everyones prayers and thoughts!